


promise me

by exsooline



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25393819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exsooline/pseuds/exsooline
Summary: there was only one promise worth keeping.inspired by "mystic pop-up bar" on netflix
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	promise me

**Author's Note:**

> warning: not edited

jihoon read dreams. he _entered_ dreams, to be exact. his life revolved around forcing his way into nightmares and finding out what caused them in the unconscious. sometimes he could reason with whatever evil spirit was haunting the person’s nights, other times he relayed to the person exactly what they needed to do to restore their peace. he wasn’t well-loved by the community however, and he knew it. for the most part, he preferred to stay indoors, safe from public scrutiny. his mother always nagged at him, saying he should get some sun and maybe some friends too, but she wasn’t one to talk. he knew what the neighbors thought of them and their work. _unlucky, too lucky, a scam, dangerous_. it was strange how jihoon, a lover of music, could never find the right words to describe the contempt he had for them. and yet, it was always him who fixed the dirty problems, always him who was paid extra to keep his mouth shut. he spent his nights sweating by the patient’s side, digging deep into their mind to reassure it, but all he was rewarded with the next day were suspicious glares and the occasional insult. hypocritical, he always thought. he had wanted to quit long ago but his mother was adamant on continuing the family business. lately, they had seen a spike in patients due to an error in the reincarnation process, so he was awake almost every night, much to the disagreement of his sleep-loving body.

* * *

“jihoon-ah? there’s someone here for you,” his mother called from the yard. tilting his head in confusion, jihoon reluctantly got up from his bed and made his way to the door. he didn’t have an inkling of who it could be, unless it was another past patient coming to complain. his questions went unanswered even as the guest came into view. the vivid colors of his clothes could only mean he was sent on royal business. only the best and brightest for those representing. there was already a small crowd forming in front of the lee’s gate. their community rarely got official visits, and even then it was never to a personal home. a visit on behalf of the royal family either meant you were about to get promoted to the palace, or you were going to get demoted to their dungeons. he took the few steps it took to cross his front yard, eyes and mind on guard.

“lee jihoon?” the messenger addressed. “yes, that’s me.” the people outside his gate started to bustle. he could hear _finallys_ and _i knew its._ maybe feigning confidence would make the situation less embarrassing. the man eyed jihoon up and down-which honestly didn’t take that long-before opening his scroll. he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. jihoon braced himself, peeking at his mother who looked just as dumbfounded as he felt. “the queen of the kingdom of goryeo requests the presence of lee jihoon at the palace tonight. the queen anticipates a fruitful conversation, matter undisclosed, with the young master, and appropriate accommodations will be provided upon the young master’s request.” he rolled the scroll back up, which seemed much too large for those two simple sentences, and turned back to jihoon. “the wagon will leave as soon as you are ready, young master.” _young what-_ the messenger promptly turned around and stepped back onto the street. the crowd split to make way for him. jihoon’s eyes followed the retreating back, feeling somewhat like he had been bewitched. “w-wait, wait! what is this about?” he called. the man looked over his shoulder at him, face very, very bored. “the matter has not been disclosed. we must leave as soon as possible in order to get to the palace by sunset.” the neighbors’ faces looked to be a mixture of shock and confusion, and jihoon was pretty sure his reflected it. he hadn’t been arrested, which should be a good sign, but jihoon couldn’t help but feel like something incredibly unfortunate was about to happen. “jihoon-ah, do you know what this could be about?” his mother laid a gentle hand on his back. jihoon took her pale hand into his. “no, but i’m sure it’s nothing. i’ll try to be back before tomorrow.” the crowd had dispersed by the time jihoon made his way out onto the street. the promised wagon was there, glimmering under the setting sun. the horses had their heads low in fatigue, and jihoon had half a thought to go over and see if he could enter their dreams, just to find out if they could tell him anything about his situation. the messenger pursed his lips at jihoon’s slowing pace and all but pushed him into the wagon. _here we go,_ jihoon thought as the wagon began to roll, _into the lion’s den._

* * *

the palace seemed to be twice the size of what jihoon expected, and about twice as intimidating. the messenger dropped him off in front of the queen’s quarters, where she spent most of her time addressing familial matters. another servant came out, similarly dressed in bright pastels. in fact, the entire palace seemed to be illuminated with color despite the setting sun, and jihoon couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling that he was underdressed. she ushered jihoon into the building and down the hallway, before stopping in front of the largest doors. she took a deep breath and announced, “master lee jihoon has arrived for her majesty.” jihoon’s eyes widened. he hadn’t realized he would be meeting the queen so soon, he wasn’t prepared- “send him in.”

jihoon took a deep breath and stepped inside. the first thing he saw was the queen, there was no missing her. her voluminous red dress sewn with the finest of silks shone in the dim candle light. her pitch black hair was braided and twisted into its signature shape. and of course, her gold crown, embellished with countless jewels, rested on top of her head. its gleam seemed to force his head down into a deep bow.

it seemed like an eternity before she declared, “rise.” jihoon slowly got up to his feet, unsure of what to do and where to look. “fear not, little one. i’m no scarier than your own mother. in fact, i am in your debt today. come, sit down.” jihoon hesitantly sat down in front of her and looked up to meet her eyes. they were curved into a soft smile, gently urging jihoon to let down his guard. “welcome to the palace. is it your first time, dear?” jihoon nodded before coming to his senses. _royalty must always be responded to._ “yes, your majesty.” commoners rarely had reason to come to the palace. “very well, you shall get accustomed to it soon enough.” _what is that supposed to mean?_ “i’m sorry?” “would you be willing to do me, and the royal family, a favor dear?” “o-of course, your majesty, whatever you ask.” “i heard that you can enter dreams, correct?” “yes your majesty, your servant is connected with the spiritual realm.” the queen paused before continuing in a quieter tone. “the prince, my son, he is having difficulties sleeping. his nights are spent in terror, and his days are spent in fear of his nights. i’m asking you, no, i’m begging you to take a look at the prince, see if what you do can calm him.” the queen looked so worn down, and jihoon could only imagine that she had consulted every doctor in goryeo before finally summoning him. he made up his mind fairly quickly, it wasn’t like he could say no to the queen. “yes, my queen, i will try my best.” she gave him the smallest of smiles. “thank you my dear, you are doing the royal family a great deed. i will make sure you are properly compensated for it. and, i need not tell you that this matter must remain confidential, correct? the people cannot know their future king has… issues.” _of course, nothing that can be a flaw._ “my job is solely to help the prince. there is no need for any compensation either, my queen. it is my responsibility as a citizen of this land to offer my abilities.” the queen looked at him a few seconds longer, unreadable expression on her face. “very well, as you wish. you may head to the prince’s quarters now, i will have someone direct you.” jihoon stood up, bowing to the queen once again. “take him to the prince’s quarters,” she commanded the servant opening the door. “your majesty, the prince left for bed early tonight. perhaps-“ “take him to where the prince is, and tell the servants he is on the queen’s errand. come back immediately.” the queen’s tone was final. the servant bowed and closed the door, as expressionless as always. jihoon followed the servant out of the queen’s quarters and across the spacious courtyard. the moon was already out, and the only signs of life were the guards standing rigid at the gates and themselves. it was quite a trek to the other side of the palace, but jihoon took the opportunity to gaze around. he would probably never have the chance to enter so deeply into the palace ever again. as promised, the servant stopped in front of the building and relayed the queen’s message to the guard. she then promptly turned around and headed back where she came from. the prince’s quarters were larger than the queen’s, but that was probably because of the famously extensive library it encompassed. jihoon tiptoed past the guard, who paid him no mind anyway. there was only one pair of doors in this section of the hallway, so jihoon took his chances and made his way over. _here goes nothing._ with a slightly trembling hand he pulled on them, exposing him to the candlelit bedroom.

prince soonyoung was the only son of the current king, basically meaning the entire country was protective of him. he was said to have a sense of rebellion, but ultimately carried out his given responsibilities without flaws. those who had seen him in person raved about his good looks and kind manner, and countless rumors floated around about neighboring nations offering their children as potential marriage mates. it seemed that neither the royal family nor the prince himself had any thought of marriage yet, for he remained single to date. taking a step closer, jihoon could see why so many were in love with the prince despite their low chances of success. everything about him appeared _soft_ : his pale skin, his thick, black hair, even the fist his hand was curled into. the only thing that looked out of place was the sharp grimace on his face, growing darker by the minute. jihoon could feel something haunting in the air, but he had to enter the prince’s mind in order to identify it. he carefully took off his shoes and stepped onto the platform the prince was lying on. he took a seat next to the patient, as he always did, and reached out to grab the other’s hand. he paused before making contact, unsure if he was allowed to make contact. _this is what i have to do for it to work, so there’s no other option anyway._ he grabbed the prince’s hand and intertwined their fingers. immediately he was sucked into the prince’s mind, leaving no room for hesitation or regret.

* * *

jihoon had entered hundreds of dreams, maybe even thousands. the worst one he had seen so far was the ghost of the patient’s best friend, who wholeheartedly believed it was the patient’s fault she was dead. she had been persistent, and jihoon had spent over a week with her to finally convince the ghost to let go. that dream was nothing in comparison to the prince’s, however. from beginning to end, it was infested with angry ancestors that refused to leave until all their wishes were heard. jihoon didn’t even know where to begin. he couldn’t personally take any action to satisfy the ghosts; he could only act as messenger. after speaking with them, it seemed the majority wanted a ceremony to be held to honor those who died fighting for their country. a ceremony of that size would almost certainly raise suspicion amongst the people, but it was the only way for the ghosts to be appeased. there were also a handful of passive spirits that unintentionally followed the crowd out to the living realm and simply wanted to tell their story. jihoon promised them he would return to listen to them. listening, after all, was what he did best. he couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for them. they had sacrificed their lives to help others and got almost nothing in return. _i guess this kind of thing happens to the royal family too._ he waved goodbye and forcefully ejected himself from the prince’s mind. he took a couple of moments to settle down before opening his eyes, noticing shades of yellow and red indicating sunrise starting to paint the walls of the bedroom. it had been a fruitful evening, more so than usual. the frown on the prince’s face had settled into a serene smile, so he supposed at least a couple of spirits must have been appeased by the visit.

jihoon jumped when he heard the prince stir. it was hardly appropriate to meet him without appointment, especially under such circumstances. he quickly put on his shoes and made for the exit, stumbling slightly in haste. he failed to notice the confused pair of eyes trailing after him as he closed the door.

* * *

“jihoon-ah! what took you so long, i was so worried!” his mother fussed over him. “sorry mother, the matter took longer than i thought.” “are you alright? what happened?” jihoon shrugged. “the queen needed me to see something, and it was more complicated than i thought.” his mother frowned. “who did she need you to see?” she asked cautiously. jihoon hesitated at first, but told her the truth. after all, she was the only one who would believe him and understand it was his job. her reaction, though, was unexpected. “oh jihoon-ah, i wish you hadn’t accepted. working with the royal family never ends on a good note. their promises are empty.” she looked so heartbroken that he couldn’t find any words to reply with. she sighed. “do what you must, but promise me that you won’t get carried away. promise me you won’t do anything more than what is necessary.” “i- i promise.” he wasn’t sure what made his mother feel this way, but he didn’t want to upset her further. _besides,_ he reasoned, _why would i get intertwined with them any further?_

* * *

the same wagon stood outside jihoon’s house at exactly the same time as the day before. now a little more comfortable with it, he stepped on, ignoring the whispers from his neighbors. he found himself in front of the queen soon enough, and again, bowed as deep as he could. “tell me, what progress have you made?” “the vast majority of the spirits wish for a commemorative ceremony, my queen, to honor all those who died during the war. they have specific instructions that must be followed, or they will continue to haunt the prince.” the queen understandably looked troubled; she would need good reason to hold such a ceremony. “what else do they ask for?” “the remaining ghosts simply wish for someone to listen to their story. they died without being able to let go of this burden, it would mean relief to them if someone listens.” the queen nodded in understanding. “then you shall be the one to hear them out. however long it takes, you will remain by the prince’s side. i will arrange the necessary ceremony.” “yes, my queen.” the conversation took no longer than half an hour, after which he was whisked away to the prince’s room again.

he was asleep, although his expression indicated it wasn’t a pleasant affair. jihoon hurriedly took his place and grabbed the prince’s hand, wanting to soothe him as soon as possible. the spirits were in a much better mood than yesterday, especially after hearing the news that their wishes would be granted. they were chatty things, ghosts, and each one wanted jihoon to stay with them. he listened to as many as he could, which wasn’t a lot to be honest. _but it should be enough for the prince to feel some relief._ not wanting to stay as long as yesterday, jihoon wrapped up his last ‘session’ and waved goodbye. the ghosts chanted goodbye back, and jihoon couldn’t help but giggle. it was kind of cute, the way they changed from angry to eager in a matter of hours. he ejected himself, taking a few moments to catch his breath. no matter how many times he did it, coming back to reality was the most strenuous part of the process, and he was always a little winded after spending so much time with spirits. deeming himself ready, jihoon opened his eyes to the same candlelit room he left. it was a little past midnight, he guessed. _plenty of time to get back home before mother wakes up._ he made to stand up, only to discover himself being held back by a warm hand curled around his wrist. he turned around and traced the arm up to its owner, despite knowing there was only one person it could belong to. prince soonyoung was looking up at him with gentle eyes, no sort of urgency on his face. jihoon’s lips parted in an inaudible gasp. the prince wasn’t supposed to see him here, would he call the guards, would he call the king- “so it’s you who’s been coming into my dreams,” the prince stated matter-of-factly, sight curve on his lips. jihoon opened and closed his mouth but found no words to explain himself. the prince tugged insistently on jihoon’s wrist, “sit down, please.” "m-my prince, that would hardly be appropriate, i apologize for disturbing your sleep-“ “ _sit._ ” jihoon stayed in place, debating what to do. disobeying the prince’s orders would be more cause for punishment than remaining in the room, he decided. he hesitantly sat back down and saw the prince’s eyes bunch up into a bright smile. “m-my prince, your hand…” it refused to move however, tightening slightly in rebellion. “you’ll run away if i let you go,” the prince explained calmly. _what kind of- what am i supposed to do?_ “i apologize for disturbing your sleep, my prince,” he repeated. “the queen consulted this servant on your highness’ unrest, and i simply wished to-“ “what’s your name?” jihoon sucked in his breath. _here comes the punishment._ “my name is jihoon, my prince, lee jihoon.” he watched as the prince repeated his name, testing it on his lips. “i slept well yesterday, thanks to you jihoon.” “i-i’m glad to hear that, my prince-“ “soonyoung.” “pardon?” “call me soonyoung.” jihoon gaped. under no circumstances were commoners allowed to call royalty solely by their name, doing so would almost solidify a spot on death row. “m-my prince, i could never-“ “it’s an order from your prince jihoon, call me soonyoung.” he seemed blissfully unaware of jihoon’s internal dilemma. _i must be dreaming, am i still in the spiritual realm?_ “-hoon, jihoon?” the prince looked regretful, a deep frown settling on his face. “i apologize, jihoon. i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. you don’t have to call me soonyoung if you don’t want to.” for a moment, he looked like only a young boy, head low, fearful of rejection. jihoon had a sudden, overwhelming urge to please him, to make him happy. “soon-“ he stopped himself. _am i really going to do this?_ biting his lip, he breathed out, “soonyoung?”

jihoon watched in fascination as the boy in front of him raised his head with wide eyes. his pursed lips relaxed and stretched into a smile, thinning his eyes out with it. _pretty._ “thank you, jihoon, for helping me. i go to bed in peace knowing that you will come to save me.” jihoon felt blood rush to his cheeks. he had never been so sincerely thanked for doing his job, and it made him wonder if this was what it felt like to be appreciated. “i- i must take my leave, my prince-“ “soonyoung.” “ _soonyoung._ please return to bed, your ancestors should be appeased for the night.” his statement made soonyoung lift his head in hope. “does that mean you’ll be back tomorrow?” “i- yes soonyoung, i will come after you have fallen asleep. i will do my best to be quiet.” “no!” jihoon startled at the sudden shout. “pardon?” “wake me up when you’re done tomorrow. it’s an order.” his tone was final, and jihoon found himself nodding. _what have i gotten myself into?_

nothing differed the next day. he took the wagon to the palace and updated the queen on his progress. he omitted the part about the prince, afraid of backlash. he had decided long ago that, unless the prince himself told someone, no one was to know about their conversation. it was a dangerous game he was playing, and the slightest misstep could cause him his life.

the spirits were amiable today as well, albeit a little restless without news of the ceremony taking place. jihoon listened to as many stories as he could possibly bear before biding them a good night. one by one, they were getting satisfied and leaving for the afterlife, but the majority still remained. there was only so much jihoon could do. he came back out, taking the couple of seconds to settle down. he half-expected soonyoung to wake up and grab his hand again, but the touch never came. the prince remained in blissful sleep, perhaps tired from the night before. jihoon debated waking him up. not doing so would be going directly against the prince’s orders, but doing so… he made up his mind and turned around, creeping out of the room.

* * *

“you lied.” jihoon very nearly screamed, clutching his chest in surprise. the prince’s eyes remained closed, and he was so still that jihoon briefly wondered if he was hearing things. “s-soonyoung?” “you lied, you didn’t wake me up yesterday.” soonyoung finally opened his eyes, the disappointment forcing jihoon back a step. “i apologize, i was afraid to-“ “i wanted to see you,” soonyoung interrupted. _what?_ “i was looking forward to seeing you again, but you didn’t wake me up…” it was the slight whine in his voice that caused jihoon to relax slightly. he looked almost like a child who was not granted a bowl of ice cream after dinner. “i’m going to stay up for you every night from now on!” he declared. the conviction in his voice was so strong that jihoon couldn’t help but giggle. he quickly came to his senses and was about to apologize when he met eyes with soonyoung. the other looked _starstruck_ , and jihoon could only stare back. “i’m going to sleep now,” the prince whispered, eyes not leaving jihoon’s face. it would be a miracle if he didn’t overheat from the stare. he let out a breath when soonyoung closed his eyes, only to stop breathing again when he held out his hand. “what…” “you hold my hand, right?” “y-yes, but if it makes you uncomfortable-“ his hand was enveloped with warmth in response, and there was no room for argument. soonyoung sighed in content, intertwining their fingers. jihoon couldn’t help but notice the way soonyoung ran his thumb over jihoon’s knuckles, or the way his calloused skin soothed the pink tips of jihoon’s hand. the prince fell asleep soon after, sucking jihoon into his mind once again. jihoon couldn’t focus on the spirits that night, mind drifting to the boy with soft smiles and softer touches.

it became a routine, the two of them. soonyoung would stay up -occasionally pretending to be asleep and scaring the living daylights out of jihoon- and the two would talk for a while, before jihoon deemed it late enough to start working. he found himself letting down his guard around the sincere and earnest prince, who seemed to want nothing more than to please him. he asked jihoon about his family, his likes, his dislikes, and rarely did he interrupt with information about himself. for the first time in his life, jihoon was able to express his thoughts and emotions without worrying about consequences. it was an exhilarating feeling, to be wanted, and jihoon fed off the prince’s interest like a baby hungry for milk. he didn’t know when he started looking forward to the visits, even packing some street snacks for soonyoung to try. some nights were filled to the brim with hushed laughter, and other nights were reserved for intimate discussions. despite his innocent nature, soonyoung was mature beyond his years, sometimes impressing jihoon with his extensive knowledge. still, the majority of his time was spent trying to make jihoon laugh, whether it be by funny faces or unbelievable anecdotes.

it was the third week of jihoon’s visits, and he was in bliss. never had he felt so important, so appreciated. they had been laughing about another request from a neighboring kingdom to court soonyoung, which had been promptly turned down by the king even before soonyoung could get a word in. the requesting king had been so angry, soonyoung recalled, that his daughter had to drag him out of the palace. jihoon hiccuped with laughter, only quieting down when he realized soonyoung was looking at him with an unreadable expression. “soonyoung what-“ “come lie down.” he raised the covers in invitation. jihoon furrowed his eyebrows. yes, they had gotten closer, and yes, he might even dare to call them friends, but sharing the same bed? that was reserved only for couples, and getting caught doing so unmarried was almost taboo. “soonyoung i don’t think-“ “lie down with me jihoon.” before he got to know soonyoung he might’ve thought it was an order, but he now understood that he had room to refuse if he was uncomfortable. but he was weak for the prince, and he wordlessly crawled closer, dipping under the silk covers. the bed was large enough for both of them and more, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was encased in warmth, and he snuggled closer to soonyoung, chasing more of the security he offered. the two faced each other, and it was easy to see how soonyoung’s eyes drank in his face, as if he were a piece on exhibition at a museum. without warning, soonyoung raised his hand to rest on his left cheek, thumb soothing the red blossoming there. it had the opposite effect of course, and jihoon thought it might be a matter of minutes before he combusted. “jihoon-ah,” he whispered. “yes soonyoung?” jihoon replied, careful not to shatter the serene quiet. “let me court you.” jihoon’s eyes flew to the other’s, searching for signs of trickery or deception, panicking when he found none. “soonyoung, what are you talking about?” he laughed nervously. the answer was immediate. “i like you jihoon, a lot. i want to court you, i want to show you how much you’re loved. i want to hold your hand and take you to see the flowers, preferably in sunlight. i want to kiss you and make you laugh and stay by your side. but i won’t if you don’t want me to.” the last sentence had soonyoung pausing in hesitation. the hand on jihoon’s cheeks was stable, but the longer he remained quiet, the more slower its strokes became. “soonyoung, you’re a prince. i’m just me, you have so many other options out there-“ “i don’t want anyone else. i want you and only you.” jihoon would be lying if he said his heart didn’t take off at those words. jihoon _wanted,_ he _yearned_ to say yes. he wanted to hold soonyoung’s hand and go to see the flowers with him. he wanted to kiss him and laugh with him and keep him by his side. his mother’s words rang in his head, but sheer want clouded over it. “alright,” he whispered, breaking the silence. soonyoung’s eyes widened, unable to believe his ears. “what?” jihoon giggled. “i said alright-“ he was cut off by a fierce hug, soonyoung snuggling his nose into the area between his neck and ear. “thank you,” came a whisper, and jihoon, for a moment, couldn’t believe he was allowed to be this happy.

their time together was the same as before, but now they were _courting,_ and soonyoung wasted no opportunity to remind him of that fact. “ _love,_ have i ever told you your skin sparkles in the moonlight? it makes me want to kiss it all over, stain it red,” he mouthed against said skin, as if that wasn’t exactly what was happening. “soonyoung,” jihoon breathed out, “i have to go inside now, the spirits must be waiting for me.” soonyoung humphed, “i wait for you too! i think of you all day, and just when i finally get my time with you, they steal it away! tell my ancestors to share.” jihoon smiled, eyes fond. “you have to sleep, my prince. i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” soonyoung complained, but his tiredness eventually won. “jihoon-ah?” he mumbled sleepily. “yes?” “can you sing me a song?” he was already almost asleep, so jihoon doubted he would hear him, but he started to hum anyway. “ _don’t cry, don’t be sad, don’t be afraid. to me, you’re so precious. i want to say to you who must’ve been tired today, i’m right here, good job, i love you, i’ll hug you.”_ as expected, soonyoung was far away in dreamland, leaving jihoon with only the satisfied smile on his face. _i love you, soonyoung._

jihoon was running out of time, he knew that. he had been blissfully ignoring the nearing ceremony and using the spirits as an excuse to be with soonyoung every night. his fairytale had to come to an end though. “the ceremony will be held in a week’s time. you have done well, jihoon, the prince has never been more at ease. i imagine you are exhausted after staying up every night for a month.” _no,_ jihoon wanted to shout, _let me stay._ “thank you my queen,” he whispered instead, head low.

soonyoung was waiting for him as always. jihoon’s heart _burned_ as he watched the prince sit up in his bed, storybook on his lap and twinkling eyes on display. he had promised to read to him that night, but jihoon didn’t want to listen to his voice any longer. he didn’t want to feel the thrum of his heartbeat, the warmth of his chest, the touch of his fingers running up and down jihoon’s arm. but the prince looked so eager tapping the space next to him, jihoon couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. it was only after he had fallen asleep at the usual time that jihoon mumbled, “i’m sorry soonyoung. i’m sorry i’m sorry _i’m sorry_.”

jihoon was determined to end their relationship. he wouldn’t let himself be destroyed by it, nor would he let soonyoung risk his kingship over it, because he knew he would. the boy had murmured the thought into jihoon’s ear a couple of times before, and although he had been reprimanded immediately, the sly smirk on his face revealed the sincerity behind it. jihoon had thought it _romantic_ at the time, but now it made him want to _throw up_. what would happen if soonyoung announced he wanted to marry jihoon? what would happen to him, to his mother? _nothing,_ jihoon decided, because _it’s not going to happen._ so he made excuses. “i’m a little tired today, let’s finish quickly.” soonyoung’s reply -“sleep here tonight then, i’ll be fine if you don’t talk to the spirits for one night.”- made him falter, but his mind was set on distancing himself. there was no way he was going to get back in bed with soonyoung. “if you’ll be alright for tonight, i’ll head back early. good night.” jihoon ran out of the room before soonyoung could respond. he couldn’t bare to see his confused eyes, glinting with hurt.

he continued his frosty attitude for the remainder of the week. soonyoung tried his best to lift jihoon’s spirits, which made the process even more unbearable. he could feel his heart chipping away every time he saw soonyoung’s face fall. by the end of the week, it seemed even he had given up. it was the last night they would have together, and jihoon didn’t want to prolong the goodbyes. _i just have to get past those doors without crying,_ he assured himself. _just a couple of more steps-_ “jihoon-ah.” it was so soft that he almost continued walking. “yes my prince?” soonyoung remained quiet for a couple of beats. “are-“ he took in a deep breath, and _god,_ jihoon could almost hear him holding in his tears. “are we alright?” he had expected the question, but it was still like a stab to the gut. “my prince, i-“ he cleared his throat. _don’t be weak, jihoon._ “i think we should stop.” he was proud of how stable his voice was despite his trembling hands. “stop…?” soonyoung sounded so confused, jihoon wanted nothing more than to run over and bury himself in his arms in reassurance. but he stayed strong, because his mother had warned him about this. _nothing good comes out of their promises._ he turned around to meet the prince’s watery eyes. “i don’t think anything is happening in this relationship, your highness. i cannot trust your promises, and most of all, i can’t find it in myself to pretend to love you anymore.” soonyoung flinched at his harsh words and shook his head urgently in denial. “j-jihoon-ah, it’s not true, is it? i still love you! stay with me, _please,_ jihoon-ah, i need you…” his voice trailed off, seeing jihoon’s expression harden with every word. “forgive me prince soonyoung, it was an interesting month, but you can just forget about me now.” he promptly turned around and ran out, ignoring the calls of “jihoon-ah, please!” teardrops marked jihoon’s route home, and they blurred the luxury cloths and jewels waiting for him at home. “thank you for your service,” the note read. _i did the right thing,_ he repeated to himself, clutching his throbbing heart, _i did the right thing._

the next day was torture. he had fallen asleep in the middle of the pile of gifts, so reds and glitters were the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. he wanted to scream, wanted to fling all of them out of the house. “jihoon-ah?” his mother poked her head through his door. seeing the dried tear tracks and exhaustion on his face, she sighed. she had had an inkling of what was going on during the month, and it was obvious her words to him in the beginning had been a prophecy fulfilled. “oh jihoon, what have you gotten yourself into?” she hugged him, feeling him choke out tears like he hadn’t been crying all night. “mother, i- it _hurts,_ i _want_ him.” no explanation was needed on who _him_ was. she stroked his hair and rocked him back and forth, knowing only time could heal his wounds.

unfortunately for jihoon, he still had to attend the ceremony later that day. he would’ve skipped it if at all possible, but the queen had insisted on his presence. lugging himself out of bed, jihoon mentally braced himself. the entire royal family would be there, minus the king, and he could not slip up or give them any reason for suspicion. he just had to get through today, and then everything would be a matter of the past. he dressed himself in the ceremonial robes the queen had sent, hating the vivid colors that reminded him of the palace. “jihoon-ah, will you be alright?” his mother asked worriedly. he sent a small smile her way, as if he hadn’t bawled in her embrace just hours before. “i’ll be fine mother. make sure to have lunch, i should be back home for dinner.” she hesitated before nodding. the same wagon that had been stationed in front of his house for a month straight waited for him for the last time. the neighbors, although used to the wagon by now, looked taken aback by his intricate costume. jihoon groaned internally; there would be rumors for ages.

the palace looked different in daylight. it was brighter, yes, but felt a little less intimidating without the blur of shadows and dim light of candles. the ceremony took place in front of the sacred tree, which was said to be the gate between the living and spiritual realm. it had been decorated with various meaningless symbols. jihoon rolled his eyes. the spirits didn’t care about superstitions, all they wanted was for their names to be called. he took his place by the side of the tree and waited for the ceremony to start. the royal family always arrived last. jihoon could see them approaching from the distance from the sheer number of servants surrounding them. the queen, regal as always, was adorned head to toe in more gems than he had ever seen on one person. her dress took the space of three people, obstructing his view of the crowd behind her. soonyoung came into sight moments later, face concrete and body stiff. jihoon sucked in a sharp breath. he had thought himself prepared to see the prince, but... the sunlight did wonders to soonyoung’s hair, and he almost wished they had had a chance to go on that flower date. he shook the thought out of his head. the prince didn’t meet his eyes, not that jihoon was expecting him to, but it still hurt to see his passive eyes skim over the gathered crowd without sparing a second glance at him.

the queen and prince took their places beside the sacred tree and rung the bell hanging from it, marking the beginning of the ceremony. it was tedious and full of rituals jihoon couldn’t care less about. he had seen his mother perform countless ceremonies, so he knew the only real part of it was the calling of the names; the rest was all for show. it had been about a hour when the queen finally reached for the scroll and unraveled it. jihoon tensed in anticipation. as the names were read off one by one, the corresponding spirit was ejected from the prince’s mind. their faces were brighter than any ghost he had seen before, and he couldn’t help but wave goodbye at each one as they accepted their fate. no one else felt the spirits in the air, so he supposed he probably looked a little insane, smiling and waving at the sky. it took a while for all the names to be read, but the last one finally took his leave, and jihoon nodded at the queen. _it’s done._ she looked so relieved that jihoon couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt. he spared a glance over at the prince, just to make sure he wasn’t experiencing any side effects, only to reel back when he didn’t find him at his original spot. “i have an announcement,” a clear voice from directly in front of the sacred tree declared. the servants in front of him bowed lower, if that was possible, to show their attention on him. “as some of you may have guessed, i was in quite a lot of pain for quite some time,” he continued. “we consulted practically every doctor in goryeo, but not one of them could come up with an idea of what was wrong, much less how to solve it. i thought i would have to live with it.” he paused, eyes zeroing in on jihoon’s round ones. “and then someone came and held my hand. he sat by my side all night, sacrificing his sleep and health to make sure i was at peace.” jihoon’s blood ran cold. _no, soonyoung, don’t._ the prince kept his eyes locked with jihoon’s, ignoring the plea in them for him to _stop risking it._ “he became my friend, and i realized for the first time what it meant to be a friend. of course it-“ his breath hitched, and jihoon could only stare in despair as soonyoung cleared his throat and continued on. “it was only a matter of time before i fell in love with him. he was quiet and soft and beautiful, and he drew me in like a moth attracted to light. i opened my eyes each sunrise solely in expectation of sunset, and i longed for the day when i could see rays of sunshine reflecting off his pale skin. today is that day, i suppose, and he is even more breathtaking than i imagined.” the last words were almost a whisper, but they rang in jihoon’s ears. tears threatened to blur his sight. the prince was gazing at him with a serene smile, and jihoon was taken back to the first night they met. “jihoon-ah, i know you’re afraid. i’m afraid too, but i’m willing to try, i’m willing to risk it if it means you would stay by my side. so please, won’t you love me again?” jihoon opened his mouth then, finding no words, closed it again. he could feel everyone’s eyes, _the queen’s eyes,_ on him. it was true, he was afraid. he was afraid of public opinion, afraid of what everyone thought, afraid of what _soonyoung_ thought. it was simply too much, so he turned around and ran for the second time in two days.

* * *

“jihoon-ah?” his mother called. his eyes remained blank, showing no sign of recognition. her heart broke for her son, who experienced sorrow in two different ways consecutively. “jihoon-ah, won’t you please eat something? you haven’t had a proper meal for days since you came back from the ceremony.” seeing him flinch, she pursed her lips. he was well on the road to self-destruction, and she knew that something had to change in order for him to come back to his senses.

“a message for lee jihoon!” a familiar voice was heard from outside the gate. jihoon’s eyes widened, and instinctively he crawled back into a corner. sighing, his mother stood up and made her way outside. he could hear her greeting the messenger and a short exchange between the two. after a couple of minutes the wagon, _that dreaded wagon_ , finally rolled away until there was dead silence. at least, until his mother flung open the door, scroll in hand. “i think you should read this,” was all she said before thrusting the scroll into his hands and leaving him. he knew who it was from, the red seal could not have been more obvious. he debated discarding it, but a part of him was curious what kind of insults soonyoung threw at him. _coward, disrespectful,_ and _mistake_ were some of his personal favorites. he undid the ribbon and unraveled it with trembling hands. the familiar handwriting nearly made him go under again, but he sucked the tears in and began to read down the lines.

_jihoon-ah, it’s me, soonyoung. how are you doing?_

_it’s only been a couple of days since i saw your face, but it feels like it’s been longer than the time it takes the moon to grow round again. maybe you’re glad you finally don’t have to see me every night, i don’t know._

_i miss you. perhaps it’s greedy, but i miss you. i’ve tried to focus on other things, but i see your smile everywhere. maybe i didn’t try hard enough, and maybe that was on purpose._

_i don’t want to forget you. i don’t want you to forget me. i’ve never been in love before, so i’m not really sure if it’s normal to feel this empty. you can probably tell, but there’s a lot of things i don’t know about love. but one thing i’m certain of is that my heart belongs to you. my promises to you were never empty, and it might have seemed childish or even irresponsible to you, but i made sure there was a way for me to keep every one of my promises._

_i’m going to tell you something that hopefully convinces you to think about us one more time. my parents were arranged, as every royal marriage is. they do not love each other, but they found that their arrangement was not unsatisfactory. once i became of marrying age, my mother began to suggest potential partners on a daily basis. she realized after a few trials that i have zero interest in marrying someone i do not care for. my father, however, is a romantic man, and he is the one that encourages me to find my own match._

_my mother knows about us. i confided in her soon after you accepted my courtship, and while she was momentarily disappointed i wasn’t going to marry a rich princess of a neighboring kingdom, she soon understood that my feelings for you are true and run deep. i know you avoided talking about us with her, and she pretended not to know for your sake. i suppose what i’m trying to say is, if the reason you cannot stay with me is because of my family, please come back into my embrace. i will make sure you are treated as you deserve._

_aren’t i pathetic? maybe you just really don’t love me anymore, and i’m grabbing at straws to try to make the pain more bearable._

_tomorrow is the moon festival. i’ll be at the balcony we always said we’d go to together. you can curse at me, or slap me, or even tell the spirits to haunt me again. if you wish it so, it’ll be the last time i ever contact you. i simply would like to memorize your face one last time. i’ll wait for you._

_your prince,_

_soonyoung_

teardrops smudged the last line of ink, but jihoon had it engraved on his heart already. his hands curled into fists, crinkling the paper with it. _i’ll wait for you,_ soonyoung had written. _why? why would you wait for me?_ there was nothing he could offer soonyoung in return. he made up his mind: he was not going to go to the balcony. it would only make the process more painstaking for both of them, and jihoon had no wishes to prolong soonyoung’s suffering.

and yet, somehow, he found himself walking on the road towards the palace the next day. it was like his body didn’t know how to say no, even though his mind knew the consequences of saying yes. the streets were bustling with crowds for the moon festival, an event jihoon had always looked forward to. tonight, though, he wished he had more time to think of what to say.

the balcony was nothing special, but it was directly in the line of sight from soonyoung’s window. too many nights they had gazed at it, hand in hand, and promised to have their first official date there. jihoon slipped past the busy attendant and climbed the stairs, matching one step with one breath. it was only when he reached the top that he realized what he had gotten himself into, because standing right there, back facing jihoon, was none other than soonyoung. he was illuminated by the moon, and it took a moment for jihoon to outline his entire body. he wasn’t in his usual robes, either meaning he had gotten new ones or he had snuck out. jihoon guessed the latter. the prince hadn’t noticed him yet, which was all the time jihoon needed to second-guess his decision. he took a nervous step back and- “jihoon?” the wood floor creaked, informing the prince of his arrival. _well, no going back now._ soonyoung turned to face him completely, and jihoon could see his lip trembling. “you came,” he breathed out. it took all of jihoon’s willpower to stay rooted in place. how he wanted to run into soonyoung’s arms, to hug him tightly around his middle, to tell him that he couldn’t stay away. he didn’t trust himself to not do any of that, so he stayed cemented. turns out it didn’t matter, because soonyoung came to him. he left enough distance for manners, but from here jihoon could see the dark shadows under his eyes. “have you not been sleeping well again?” he blurted out before he could stop himself. the resulting seconds of silence were torture. _stupid, stupid._ it took a couple of extra moments for soonyoung to answer, “it’s because you weren’t there.” jihoon didn’t know how to respond to that, so he kept silent. he also kept his eyes away from the other’s, because he knew the moment he stared at them he would tear up. it didn’t hinder soonyoung from staring at _him,_ however. jihoon felt his face burn from the intensity, and he was about to say something, anything, to get the other to _stop staring_ when a hand came into his peripheral vision. it stopped hairs away from his left cheek, gauging for any denial. when none was found, it continued on its path and landed softly, covering red. jihoon couldn’t help his involuntary reaction; he preened at the touch. soonyoung’s thumb stroked the area right under his eye, and it felt so _right,_ like that motion was meant to be done by him alone. “jihoon-ah,” the prince called, breath heavy. jihoon shuddered in response. “i’m sorry i’m asking you this again, i’m sorry if i’m going against what i said in the letter, i’m sorry if i’m forcing you.” and _god,_ jihoon could see his eyes begin to water, and he could just barely restrain his own from doing the same. “but won’t you please stay with me? you don’t have to love me, just stay by my side. i’ll make sure you’re happy, i’ll make sure you have everything you want.” somewhere along the line soonyoung had let the tears loose, and they were now falling by the handful down his face. to jihoon, they looked like diamonds sparkling in the moonlight, and for every twinkle he saw, the walls around his heart fractured just that much. “i’ll stop if you say no. i don’t think i’ll be able to forget you though-“

jihoon kissed him. he reached up and grabbed the front of soonyoung’s robes, pulling him down to his own height. it was clumsy, but it was like water in a desert, relief after thirst. soonyoung opened his mouth in a gasp, and jihoon used the opportunity to deepen the kiss. confused hands tangled into jihoon’s hair, and soon, soonyoung was matching his pace, if not trying to dominate him. jihoon’s lungs just about gave out before the two broke away. harsh breaths filled the air and jihoon’s senses. he hadn’t quite processed what he had done, but he knew he wouldn’t have survived if he had held off any longer. all he could see, hear, and feel was soonyoung. their foreheads were touching, soonyoung’s hand holding the back of jihoon’s head and jihoon still clutching his robes desperately. his cheeks were moist, and he wasn’t sure if tit was from soonyoung’s tears or his own. “soonyoung-ah,” he whispered in the lowest voice he could manage. his words were _felt_ more than _heard_ at this point. “i’m sorry i hurt you. i have no right to do that to you, i really don’t deserve you. you’re right, i’m afraid. yes, you’re the prince, and i’m afraid of your family. but more than that, i’m afraid of what people will say, i’m afraid of the future, and most of all, i’m afraid that you’ll end up leaving me.” he sucked in a soul-shuttering breath. “all my life, i’ve been treated with scorn for doing what i do. you were the first one to show me love, and it made me nervous, like i was holding another kid’s candy. i was scared that when someone finally calls me out on it, you would realize what a disadvantage i am to you and throw me away-“ he was cut off by soonyoung’s lips. he was insistent, and jihoon melted into his touch like soft putty. it was like they were making up for lost time, the way they couldn’t get close enough. “never,” soonyoung said when they finally broke away. “i’ll never leave you.” he seemed so _sure,_ jihoon felt his heart being inflated with the prospect. “promise?” he whimpered out, wanting validation. “promise,” the prince confirmed, leaning back in already. “i love you, lee jihoon,” he murmured against the younger’s lips. “i promise.”

“i love you too, soonyoung, i promise.” the brilliant smile he got as reward was enough to patch the remaining holes in jihoon’s heart. he had never felt so _full_ before, and he decided then and there, if there was one promise he would die keeping, it was this one.

**Author's Note:**

> that ending might've sucked, i can never tell with my own writing :/


End file.
